Wherein I Phone It In

I’m in a cabaret this upcoming weekend¹, so I’ve been busy trying to memorize some things, writing some jokes², and forming an ad hoc improv group.³ The Steelers playoff game starts in about 5 minutes, so I’m going to phone this one in. ⁴

To brighten your day, feel free to imagine the following film:

“Independence Day 2”

The original cast returns for a follow up story taking place 15 years after the events of the first film. Using the downed alien technology, Earth has seen a boon in space travel and other sciences. The coalition of nations, led by the United States, has decided to do a preemptive strike on the home world of the aliens who attacked Earth in the first film. Jeff Goldblum is the lead scientist on the project, and Will Smith obviously leads the strike. The now ex-president Bill Pullman makes impassioned anti-war speeches, in obvious contrast to his role in the first film.

During the course of the strike, Will Smith gets separated from the rest of the forces, and gets into a firefight near the planet’s surface. He, of course, gets shot down. The alien who shot him down goes over to his ship, punches Will Smith in the face, and says in his alien language, “Welcome to Klaxon”. Once taken back to the alien base, Will Smith finds out the aliens only want peace and it’s up to him to get in touch with Jeff Goldblum and try to save the day before it’s too late. Possible cliffhanger ending of another alien species attacking both the humans and aliens on Klaxon.


Now my random thoughts from the afternoon:
--Is there anything garlic salt can’t do? Garlic Salt 2012!
--Has the Onion ever not been amazing?
--Having two televisions in your living room is crazy. So crazy it just might work…
--Will anyone be able to top last year when a taxpayer called me to ask what uppercase letters were?



¹Shameless plug. Check out “Mind’s Eye Comedy Night” on facebook. See the show Saturday the 14th at 8pm at Wild Goose Creative.
²Or at least what I can pass off as jokes… I mean, I’m very funny. Come see the show.
³Also possibly playing an obscene amount of Borderlands and Arkham City. Details are a bit fuzzy.
⁴I know both of you are heartbroken.