Wherein I hope you guess my name

I was hoping this blog would delete itself in my absence.¹ Sadly, that apparently was not the case. So I suppose that paper bag isn't going to write it's own way our of itself.²

This week I read the Chris Farley biopic, at the urging of Sam. After careful consideration, I do have to agree that there is a biopic to be made in there.³ I'm still a bit unsure of how to tackle it without my comfort zone of turning points and strict 3 act structure. People's lives have a Hell of a time sticking to convenient plot developments.⁴ Still it passes the "having a scene at the end that I want to write" test to motivate me to work on it. Now Sam's boundless optimism just needs to pay off on getting those life rights.

There are plenty of contests on Poptent right now, but none of them really worked for Sam's or my humor. Unless we could find a family of four with a pants suit for the Mom, a spacesuit for the dad, ninja costume for the son, and pirate costume for the daughter. Also still no word if our nickel fight was worth it.⁵ Hopefully we'll here soon. I could use me some money.⁶

Tonight Clayton and I are getting together to work on a draft of Sympathy we can be proud of. The submission deadline for the Nichol's fellowship is May 1st, so hopefully we'll finish by then. Winner gets $30,000 and if you make it towards the finals of the contest, it's a lot easier to get an agent and spec work. So yeah, that's happening.

Over the past couple weeks I've gotten to catch up with some good friends, both in person and over the phone, and that's been a lot of fun. Helped me get out of the weird funk of inadequacy that I hit recently. So onwards and upwards.

Also I'm moving next week. Same apartment complex. Different apartment address.⁷


Now here's my random thoughts from the afternoon:
--My little brother was just shy of 8 months old when Chris Farley died. And he loves Tommy Boy. That's kind of awesome.⁸
--John Goodman needs to be in more. Movies. TV shows. Full length dresses. Anything really.
--Grilled cheese sandwiches are secretly the best food in the universe. Everyone's just too ashamed to admit it.
--In the future analog to ham-radio clubs, in 2090 nerds will secret away to their mom's basements to make a call to the other members of their i-phone club.


¹Like I hoped every summer break of Heroes.
²No footnote. Just wanted to piss Sam off by making him scroll down.
³See, Sam? I'm making amends for making you scroll down before. Damn it, just did it again.
⁴Except maybe Clayton. Definitely Clayton.
⁵Well it was obviously worth it, but no word if we'll be getting money for it.
⁶Unlike most people.
⁷You should have read that like the Batman announcer.
⁸The part about Chris Farley's legacy lasting, not the him dying part.

Wherein an unflattering photo is taken.

Fun Fact: I do this every time I cut my hair.

Imagine how crazy it would look if I weren't bald.

Also if you're planning on coming to "Mind's Eye Players Comedy Night"¹, and why wouldn't you be, please pre-order. You'll save yourself 2 bucks per ticket and help out the group.



¹Wild Goose Creative, 2491 Summit St, Saturday the 14th @ 8pm. Tickets are $8 at the door, or $6 pre-order at Mind's Eye Players

Wherein I Phone It In

I’m in a cabaret this upcoming weekend¹, so I’ve been busy trying to memorize some things, writing some jokes², and forming an ad hoc improv group.³ The Steelers playoff game starts in about 5 minutes, so I’m going to phone this one in. ⁴

To brighten your day, feel free to imagine the following film:

“Independence Day 2”

The original cast returns for a follow up story taking place 15 years after the events of the first film. Using the downed alien technology, Earth has seen a boon in space travel and other sciences. The coalition of nations, led by the United States, has decided to do a preemptive strike on the home world of the aliens who attacked Earth in the first film. Jeff Goldblum is the lead scientist on the project, and Will Smith obviously leads the strike. The now ex-president Bill Pullman makes impassioned anti-war speeches, in obvious contrast to his role in the first film.

During the course of the strike, Will Smith gets separated from the rest of the forces, and gets into a firefight near the planet’s surface. He, of course, gets shot down. The alien who shot him down goes over to his ship, punches Will Smith in the face, and says in his alien language, “Welcome to Klaxon”. Once taken back to the alien base, Will Smith finds out the aliens only want peace and it’s up to him to get in touch with Jeff Goldblum and try to save the day before it’s too late. Possible cliffhanger ending of another alien species attacking both the humans and aliens on Klaxon.


Now my random thoughts from the afternoon:
--Is there anything garlic salt can’t do? Garlic Salt 2012!
--Has the Onion ever not been amazing?
--Having two televisions in your living room is crazy. So crazy it just might work…
--Will anyone be able to top last year when a taxpayer called me to ask what uppercase letters were?



¹Shameless plug. Check out “Mind’s Eye Comedy Night” on facebook. See the show Saturday the 14th at 8pm at Wild Goose Creative.
²Or at least what I can pass off as jokes… I mean, I’m very funny. Come see the show.
³Also possibly playing an obscene amount of Borderlands and Arkham City. Details are a bit fuzzy.
⁴I know both of you are heartbroken.