Wherein I remember that I have a blog.

Who the hell put all these cobwebs all over the internet? Can that even happen?¹ Well, either way I'm back. In addition to my apparent lethargic attitude towards updating this blog, I also moved at the start of February. Moving was just as terrible as I remember.² I'm technically still not fully moved in. I've yet to have the heart to put books onto my small bookcase. But I at least have a split-expenses-in-half-patsy... I mean a roommate. Even if he never turns any lights off.³

The move not only killed my will to blog, it killed my will to write in general, which as you can imagine is quite inhibitive to my ability to write my way out a paper bag. That sentence was super long. My bad.

Post move I just wanted to relax and not worry about my hopes and dreams. Hopes and dreams quite frankly, are exhausting. Whatever happened to everything just being given to you?⁴ I could use some free wish fulfillment.

Luckily there is some good news on the writing front. First being, surprisingly, another blog. Now I think by this point it's obvious I shouldn't be writing for a blog, let alone for two. Nevertheless, a buddy of mine from High School, let's call him Abe⁵, asked me if I'd like to write for a blog he's starting. The central conceit of the blog being that we post a video of a song and then do some commentary on said song/video. At first I thought, "I don't really listen to enough music to write for that sort of thing". Then I asked if I could write about music from musicals and films. He said yes. Then I thought, "I listen to to much music to pick any songs"

I recently kicked off the blog with my first post. This one concerning Stephen Sondheim, specifically "How I Saved Roosevelt" and why it shows he's a better lyricist than you are. I will, eventually, post links for all of you to enjoy. Not yet, however, as the blog is enjoying a few week soft open to work out the kinks and make sure the concept translates well to reality. Once we start spreading the word, I will, of course, shamelessly self promote here.

The other development in the writing world is my new plan to have Writing Wednesdays. Believe me I tried to find a good portmanteau. Writingsday? Writensday? I love combining two awesome things into one as much as anyone⁶, but I just couldn't make it work satisfactorily. Regardless, I'm going to give my best attempt to write for a hour or more after work on Wednesdays. Hopefully on Sympathy for the Devil, and quite possibly on this blog. Now the plan is not to only write during this time, but it will help to have designated writing time. Plus it gives me time to play minesweeper.

So maybe I'll post next week and tell you how it continues. Week one was a success as I finished the scene list for the new draft of sympathy. And I made the file for the new treatment. That's just blank. Sitting there. Staring into my soul.

Writing's the worst.


Now here's my random thoughts for the night:
--In my mind sending out Christmas Cards is what makes you an adult.
--Apples, while delicious, are not filling.
--Pokemon are still awesome. A little too awesome.
--If I were Jeff Goldblum, I would start every morning by looking in a mirror and saying, "I'm Jeff Fucking Golblum."
--English needs more midfixes than just Fucking and a few other curse words.



¹Obviously.

²Approximately this terrible.

³Which is only cool if you're this guy.

⁴False promises, my friend. Doesn't happen.

⁵This one.

⁶Well, almost anyone.

Wherein I hope you guess my name

I was hoping this blog would delete itself in my absence.¹ Sadly, that apparently was not the case. So I suppose that paper bag isn't going to write it's own way our of itself.²

This week I read the Chris Farley biopic, at the urging of Sam. After careful consideration, I do have to agree that there is a biopic to be made in there.³ I'm still a bit unsure of how to tackle it without my comfort zone of turning points and strict 3 act structure. People's lives have a Hell of a time sticking to convenient plot developments.⁴ Still it passes the "having a scene at the end that I want to write" test to motivate me to work on it. Now Sam's boundless optimism just needs to pay off on getting those life rights.

There are plenty of contests on Poptent right now, but none of them really worked for Sam's or my humor. Unless we could find a family of four with a pants suit for the Mom, a spacesuit for the dad, ninja costume for the son, and pirate costume for the daughter. Also still no word if our nickel fight was worth it.⁵ Hopefully we'll here soon. I could use me some money.⁶

Tonight Clayton and I are getting together to work on a draft of Sympathy we can be proud of. The submission deadline for the Nichol's fellowship is May 1st, so hopefully we'll finish by then. Winner gets $30,000 and if you make it towards the finals of the contest, it's a lot easier to get an agent and spec work. So yeah, that's happening.

Over the past couple weeks I've gotten to catch up with some good friends, both in person and over the phone, and that's been a lot of fun. Helped me get out of the weird funk of inadequacy that I hit recently. So onwards and upwards.

Also I'm moving next week. Same apartment complex. Different apartment address.⁷


Now here's my random thoughts from the afternoon:
--My little brother was just shy of 8 months old when Chris Farley died. And he loves Tommy Boy. That's kind of awesome.⁸
--John Goodman needs to be in more. Movies. TV shows. Full length dresses. Anything really.
--Grilled cheese sandwiches are secretly the best food in the universe. Everyone's just too ashamed to admit it.
--In the future analog to ham-radio clubs, in 2090 nerds will secret away to their mom's basements to make a call to the other members of their i-phone club.


¹Like I hoped every summer break of Heroes.
²No footnote. Just wanted to piss Sam off by making him scroll down.
³See, Sam? I'm making amends for making you scroll down before. Damn it, just did it again.
⁴Except maybe Clayton. Definitely Clayton.
⁵Well it was obviously worth it, but no word if we'll be getting money for it.
⁶Unlike most people.
⁷You should have read that like the Batman announcer.
⁸The part about Chris Farley's legacy lasting, not the him dying part.

Wherein an unflattering photo is taken.

Fun Fact: I do this every time I cut my hair.

Imagine how crazy it would look if I weren't bald.

Also if you're planning on coming to "Mind's Eye Players Comedy Night"¹, and why wouldn't you be, please pre-order. You'll save yourself 2 bucks per ticket and help out the group.



¹Wild Goose Creative, 2491 Summit St, Saturday the 14th @ 8pm. Tickets are $8 at the door, or $6 pre-order at Mind's Eye Players

Wherein I Phone It In

I’m in a cabaret this upcoming weekend¹, so I’ve been busy trying to memorize some things, writing some jokes², and forming an ad hoc improv group.³ The Steelers playoff game starts in about 5 minutes, so I’m going to phone this one in. ⁴

To brighten your day, feel free to imagine the following film:

“Independence Day 2”

The original cast returns for a follow up story taking place 15 years after the events of the first film. Using the downed alien technology, Earth has seen a boon in space travel and other sciences. The coalition of nations, led by the United States, has decided to do a preemptive strike on the home world of the aliens who attacked Earth in the first film. Jeff Goldblum is the lead scientist on the project, and Will Smith obviously leads the strike. The now ex-president Bill Pullman makes impassioned anti-war speeches, in obvious contrast to his role in the first film.

During the course of the strike, Will Smith gets separated from the rest of the forces, and gets into a firefight near the planet’s surface. He, of course, gets shot down. The alien who shot him down goes over to his ship, punches Will Smith in the face, and says in his alien language, “Welcome to Klaxon”. Once taken back to the alien base, Will Smith finds out the aliens only want peace and it’s up to him to get in touch with Jeff Goldblum and try to save the day before it’s too late. Possible cliffhanger ending of another alien species attacking both the humans and aliens on Klaxon.


Now my random thoughts from the afternoon:
--Is there anything garlic salt can’t do? Garlic Salt 2012!
--Has the Onion ever not been amazing?
--Having two televisions in your living room is crazy. So crazy it just might work…
--Will anyone be able to top last year when a taxpayer called me to ask what uppercase letters were?



¹Shameless plug. Check out “Mind’s Eye Comedy Night” on facebook. See the show Saturday the 14th at 8pm at Wild Goose Creative.
²Or at least what I can pass off as jokes… I mean, I’m very funny. Come see the show.
³Also possibly playing an obscene amount of Borderlands and Arkham City. Details are a bit fuzzy.
⁴I know both of you are heartbroken.